More Texas Stuff

TEXAS ATTITUDES

We all drawl a little slower and twang a little harder when visitors trigger our "core Texas-mode" because we really are proud to be Texans.   We love to help visitors experience "our" Texas hospitality and appreciate the flavor of our wonderful state.

So, y'all come see us sometime.  We'll go honky tonkin' in Lukenbach with Willie & Waylon and "toobing" on the Guadalupe River. Sit on the porch swing while we shell some black-eyed peas for supper.  We're havin' Chicken Fried Steak, Gravy and sliced home-grown tomatoes.  Would you like some iced tea?   Y'all come back now, heah?

YOU might be an honorary TEXAN if...

• You measure distance in minutes:  "We're 10 minutes from our church."
• You've eaten black-eyed peas & cornbread on New Year's Day for good luck.
• Your stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
• You can tell the difference between a real "cowboy" and someone who dresses like one.  (The latter being referred to as someone who is "all hat & no cattle".)
• You like the way horses smell.
• Your dream house has a screened-in porch with a porch swing.
• You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I was just fixin' to go to town.
• You install security lights on your property ... and leave it unlocked.
• You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.
• You have at least one relative that is a true "redneck" known as "Bubba".
• You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
• You say "Sir" and "Ma'am" to your elders ... even if you're an elder!
• You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
• Your hunting friends celebrate the first day of deer season as a national holiday.
• You know which plants make good toilet paper.
• You know how to crack pecans in your fist without bruising the nut.
• You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas.
• You give a neighborly wave to all cars you meet on country roads.
• You've ridden in the back of an open pickup.
• You call your father "Daddy" even after you're grown.
• You expect a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 500 or more.
• You know "horned toads" are docile, beneficial lizards -- and are sad they are disappearing.
• You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
• You call any carbonated soft drink a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
• You understand these observations and forward them to your friends no matter where they live in case they are planning to visit.

Speaking of "Bubba" ... Another Texan's Attitude!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road". I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They ARE pigs, cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.  Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Pace Picante Sauce.

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Texas. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get your butt whipped by the best.

17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas."

GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!